Cow Mau, watching the Blondies’ antics

Imagine how quiet it would have been in Bunny’s Place now if I hadn’t brought in Samantha to let her deliver safely in the bedroom. Then, we wouldn’t have the naughty Blondies. And it would only be Cow Mau and Indy left in Bunny’s Place now.

It would have been very, very quiet.

The Blondies have definitely brought life, joy and naughtiness to Bunny’s Place. It is serendipitous.

I think Cow Mau knows when he has had enough oxygen; he would walk out to the pantry and stay there.

The vet says if I could and if Cow Mau allows it, he should still be on the Amlodipine and Clopidogrel, to prevent a heart attack or a stroke. So I gave him the Amlodipine just now and surprisingly, there was no objection from Cow Mau. Even yesterday, I could open his mouth wide already. I think the mouth pain is much lesser now, so that’s not the cause of his ailing. It is his heart.

Cow Mau was diagnosed with congestive heart failure (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) in September last year. It’s been 6 months now. It’s a geriatric condition which can happen to even to the healthiest of humans.

A wise monk once told me that lifespan is determined at birth. Just that nobody knows it or can discover it. I think he meant that lifespan is largely determined by our genes, perhaps? My late friend who was a vegetarian, did yoga religiously, devout person, a very kind and gentle man, passed away at 42 of a heart attack.

And what’s all this craze nowadays about “anti-aging” supplements, I wonder. How long does a human want to live? It’s all in a human’s ego, isn’t it? We want to live “forever”. Or we want to look young. Women don’t like having their age asked. Why?

When I gave Cow Mau the capsule containing the Amlodipine, oral Tramadol and some NC-Scrub (I stuffed in as much as I could in that little capsule), I also managed to syringe in 1ml (yes, only 1ml) of the Japanese liquid food.

The vet did say that if Cow Mau does not want to eat, I should not force him and I understand this. But I was worried his lips and tongue would dry out. The vet said to give glucolin water or plain water, and I tried but he objected to this most vehemently. So I managed to give him just 1ml of liquid food just now, it was also partly to help him swallow the capsule so that it isn’t dry-pilling. I always either syringe in water or add some food whenever I pill the cats.

I also cannot do subcut fluids anymore because of his failing heart. Due to poor circulation, the fluid might accumulate around his heart and lungs again making it difficult for him to breathe.

I have never had any pet age with a heart disease so Cow Mau is my first. Most of the cats always ended up with chronic kidney failure (CKD) and for them, I could do subcut right up to the last day. They too never objected to it.

I remember that Pole hung on for weeks when she started to go down from CKD. I asked for advice from a senior vet whom I trust very much and is very compassionate. He does not do any euthanasia in his practice. He told me he used to when he first started out as a vet, but he no longer does it because “it’s not my call”, he said. So at that time, he was the only and the best vet to ask for advice on palliative and end-stage care. This was some years ago. He told me to stop Pole’s subcut as well. Pole had been rejecting food. At that time, I didn’t have the heart to stop Pole’s subcut. He said I would be just prolonging her life with the subcut when we know it was already time for her to go. I didn’t stop Pole’s subcut…because she didn’t reject it.

It’s so hard, sometimes, to know exactly what’s best for your dying pet. Sometimes, you get all the advice you can and sometimes, you just go by your gut, based on what you feel is best or what your pet tells you, if we can read their minds.

The worst “advice” is the unsolicited ones from keyboard warriors who are not vets, may or may not be animal caregivers, or those who assume every pet is the same just because they had gone through a similar incident with theirs. I call them the “should-ers”, “You SHOULD do this, you SHOULD do that…”. Another brand is those who tell you AFTER the fact, “I wouldn’t have done that if I were you.” Tell me, how helpful is that? It is already after the fact.

Sharing of experience, similar or otherwise, is helpful. But “should-ing” isn’t.

I remember when I was nursing Wendy, a dying distemper dog, so many years ago. There were enough should-ers, also those who scolded me and labeled me “cruel” for not opting for euthanasia. Also, those who claimed that “Wendy wants to be euthanised” when they had never even visited Wendy.

Here’s some news for them, animals do not know that death will happen to them. They have a survival instinct, so they want to live. That’s what a friend told me after he attended a course on animal communication. But do please read that statement carefully, it says, “animals do not know that death will happen to them”. They know when their animal companions have passed away and are lifeless. They mourn. They feel sad. They miss their animals companions. They just don’t know that death will happen to them too. It’s two different things there.

Let’s get back to Cow Mau now. I wanted to share this too: Cow Mau’s vet (our latest and amazingly empathetic vet) calls this time of an animal’s life, “the golden age”, not old age or end-of-life. She calls it “the golden age”. What a wonderful term. It is. But she also says, when I asked, that at the golden age, changes can happen in a matter of hours. Not just days, but hours. And changes normally would mean deterioration.

Cow Mau walked out from under the bed to the garden. I think he’s had enough oxygen.

He’s watching the morning go by with the Blondies.

Life is all about living in the present moment and making the most out of it.

An animal caregiver-friend asked me recently, the age-old question, “What is the meaning of life? Why are we here?” I told him point-blank, if you’re asking me based on my 61 years of life, here’s my answer: There is no meaning of life, so don’t bother getting philosophical and trying to find it. We were made by our parents. And because of that, we are here. What matters is what we do with our life while we are here. Just make the most of it, help others as much as you can. That’s all. Try not to harm, do good, be good. Keep it simple. Because when our time is up, we will be gone too. No one would remember us after that and it doesn’t matter. So what matters is what we do while we are alive.


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