It’s been extremely emotionally challenging looking after Pole for the past two weeks.
Two weeks ago, we could no longer feed her the KD. She protested vehemently and there was no point in continuing it, so I just fed her Cindy’s baby food. The amount was very small, but something was better than nothing.
Then, she protested over this as well, so we decided to respect her and stop the baby food too. It was only subcut. Pole doesn’t drink water on her own anymore, I could only wet her mouth with a cotton pad. I did try syringing water into her mouth, but sometimes she protested over this as well.
It was all about trying my best to do what she allowed but at the same time, to also support her life.
We had already stopped all medication two weeks ago. The medicines did not help and would only tax on her internal organs.
I spoke to two vets over the choices that we had. Judging from her condition, we know what is imminent and we have accepted the inevitable. But some kidney failure cats are known to drag on, and nobody knows how long this would be. Cats are known for their resilience and high tolerance. Being creatures of Nature, they also accept whatever happens to them naturally.
Pole still comes to the door to greet us when we come home. She still comes to accompany us when we watch television where she wants to be patted. Every morning, she walks to the foot of the stairs to greet me when I come downstairs. She is still very alert. Our other cats interact with her too.
The vets say there are two schools of thought: “Do nothing” or “Do everything”. As one of the vets said, “Doing nothing is also not causing further harm to the body”. It is letting nature take its course. We were practically already doing nothing except for the subcut. During this time, it appeared that Pole felt more comfortable and more alert as well. She seemed to be more at peace. Maybe there was nothing taxing her body anymore except for the fluids.
Less is more, perhaps.
On the other hand, the vet said there was something more that we could do and that is to have a nasal feeding tube inserted for Pole so that I could feed her through it. Vincent had this as well, but it only lasted for two days (it came off). But the nasal tube can be very uncomfortable. My first thought was, being as proud as Pole is, she would surely hate the tube. Vincent was an obliging cat and yet, he was miserable with the tube. In any case, a nasal tube would also only last for five days.
Initially I decided that the feeding tube would be totally out of the question for Pole, but as I gave it more thought, I decided this option should still be on the table. In preparing for this, I even went online to order the more comfortable soft and spongy e-collars in case we decided to go ahead with this. If the feeding tube were inserted, Pole would need to be on the e-collar.
We don’t know how much longer Pole has and surely she cannot go on with only the subcut. She needs some food.
Last night, I decided to talk to Pole about this. I told her that in order to support her life, she needs food and if she could not eat anything by mouth, we may have to consider the feeding tube.
Coincidentally or otherwise, after that, I tried feeding her a small amount of baby food and Pole swallowed it. Previously, she had been having great difficulty in swallowing but last night, she was able to swallow that small amount that I fed her. Previously, she would grind her teeth when I fed her by mouth, but yesterday, the grinding stopped as well.
So for now, I will resume giving her very small amounts of baby food several times a day.
With the feeding tube, the advantage is that I can feed her larger amounts through the tube, but the disadvantage is having the discomfort of the tube through her nose and throat and wearing the e-collar all the time. Also, knowing Pole, she might just find a way to pull out the tube and that’s that. The tube will also only last for five days. Vincent’s only lasted for two days.
By feeding Pole small amounts every 3 hours, the “stress” will only last for ten minutes each time. I will feed her as respectfully as I can. So far, I have been able to use the smallest “food syringe” (1ml) and she has been able to swallow the 0.5ml food (each pump) albeit reluctantly. This morning, I managed to feed a total of 3ml of food in the first session and just now, a total of 5ml.
What I’ve noticed now is that she is able to put her head down to sleep, which is indeed a blessing, even though it isn’t for long.
Whenever Pole sleeps, it is a great blessing.
From what we can see, Pole is very resilient and accepting of her condition. She seems to be at peace with what is, which is more than what I can say for myself.
Sometimes, I am a total emotional wreck, but for Pole’s sake, I need to find the strength. And the peace.