Rosie’s final hours

Rosie was happy until the very end.

Despite her illness which was progressively getting worse, she remained steadfast throughout. She was alert, curious, reasonably active and was eating very well. Watching tv too. Every night. In fact, her appetite improved a lot in the last few days and I felt very encouraged. But her abdomen was swelling every day and that was a bad sign. It was worrisome. I didn’t have the heart to take photos which showed how bloated her abdomen had become.

This afternoon, we came back from the vet’s and I fed Rosie her lunch. She ate happily as she always did. Even at the vet’s, Rosie ate heartily (while waiting for our turn and even inside the examination room). Her hearty appetite was indeed a source of comfort for me throughout her illness.

Then, at about 2.30pm at home, Rosie was at the staircase landing. Lying down. She had passed loose stools too. I also noticed vomit in front of our bedroom. It was food from lunch and also food that she had eaten while we were waiting at the vet’s.

I brought Rosie downstairs with the intention of cleaning her up as there was loose faeces at her buttocks. When I put Rosie in the kitchen sink, she couldn’t stand. Her legs just gave way.

I knew something was wrong.

So, I put her on a towel in the kitchen and cleaned her up as much as I could with a wet towel and a spray. I know how all cats like to be clean.

From the towel, Rosie managed to get up and walk to the water bowl. She drank a lot of water and rested her chin on the bowl. I knew this wasn’t good. It wasn’t normal behaviour.

Rosie then lay down on the bathroom mat. I quickly brought my laptop to the kitchen so that I could do today’s claims and be near Rosie. Meanwhile, I played a chant for her.

When I wrote “Day 40”, I could not bring myself to write all of the above. I knew things were not looking good already. That is why “Day 40” was so short. (I also did not write that the vet told us this morning that even though Rosie’s well-being was improving (the jaundice was clearing up and her appetite improved by leaps and bounds), that didn’t change the fact that her liver cells were actually dying. Her liver was not regenerating. That is why her RBC and HCT did not improve. Rosie’s illness was terminal – only a liver transplant could save her. We could only do everything possible to keep her happy and comfortable – that was what the medicines and supplements were doing.)

When I finished paying out today’s claims and blogging all the posts, I wanted to go out to the living room to get a cushion so that I could lie down with Rosie, but Rosie cried out for me. She didn’t want me to leave her at all.

So I stayed with her. I was very, very tired at the time, but I kept awake and stayed with her, stroking her hair and telling her what a brave girl she has been and how we all love her so much.

It was later on that my husband came in and he brought me a cushion. I lay down with Rosie and never left her at all until the end.

During this time, Rosie was recumbent, but she managed to get up several times. During the last 2 hours, she even stopped breathing four times, but started breathing again. Once, she stopped breathing for almost 2-3 minutes, but she breathed again. I don’t know why this happened. Maybe she wasn’t ready to leave yet.

We told her it was okay to let go and not to worry about us.

I didn’t leave Rosie at all. My husband went out to buy dinner and I stayed with Rosie. We took turns to eat, even though I didn’t have any appetite.

Daffodil probably knew something was not right, so she came in and circled Rosie and me many times. Rosie arched her body to look at Daffodil as she circled round us. I was hoping Daffodil would stop and sniff at Rosie, but she didn’t.

Still, Daffodil stayed close by.

Heidi was here throughout. She slept on the kitchen slab and accompanied us.

Then my husband went upstairs to take a bath and Rosie stopped breathing again. I thought she had gone, but when he came down, Rosie started breathing again. Maybe she wanted to say her final goodbye to her favourite person.

At about 9pm, Rosie’s breathing started to slow down. It was very peaceful, but that doesn’t make it any less painful, to watch a loved one leave. We were with her, stroking her hair and reassuring her that it is okay to let go.

Rosie stopped breathing at 9.14pm, and this time, it was the end.

I tried my best not to cry while I was with Rosie during her final hours. But after she breathed her last, I cried my heart out. While I am “comforted” that she no longer has to suffer (we already knew her illness was terminal) and am also comforted that it happened quickly and that there was no prolonged pain and suffering, losing a loved one to illness, is nonetheless, very painful, no matter how you try to rationalise it.

We thank all our friends who have stayed close at heart throughout Rosie’s brave journey. Thank you very much for all your prayers, kind wishes and moral support.

We also thank Rosie’s four vets who had done their very best to help me help Rosie.

Some photos after Rosie’s passing:

Rosie looks very peaceful.

Daffodil and Ginger comforted me when they saw me crying bitterly.

Even Cow called from inside as he has always been very concerned whenever I feel sad. Cow knows. He always knows.

The Inside Cats behaved themselves since this afternoon. They didn’t make any noise or ask for food.

I am not sure how Daffodil feels, but I hope she will be okay.

Ginger definitely feels the loss.

Ming-Yi drove my mum over. Mum brought this bardo blanket and chanted for Rosie.

I have arranged for cremation tomorrow under James Kho’s Pet Memorial.

I will miss Rosie very, very much. Every morning, in the past few weeks, I wake up and am greeted by Rosie. She would be sitting at that very same spot in our bedroom. Then, she would walk towards me happily, while I prepare her pre-breakfast bedroom snack. Then, Heidi and Tiger would come up and join us. I will miss feeding Rosie five times a day and preparing special food for her. Rosie dutifully ate all her supplements and meds, without any struggle. She was so easy to look after. Such a gem. Such a darling.

Run free and be happy, Rosie! We will meet again.